It's been a while...

Hey people!

This post probably contains swearing. Read at own risk...

I know it's been a while.. but how are you? Hope you're well.

Today is a it of a depressing post tbh so if you're not into that then I take no offence and you may close this page now.

As for the rest of you... Here we go.

I'm not too sure where to begin with my blog today. My minds a mess and I guess that's why I  felt to the need to vent here.

So as most of you are aware I am having issues with Thin Tomato. Things are just going from bad to worse. I feel like everything that has happened between us in the past years of our friendship was just fake. As if she was using to me to see what benefits she gets, such as, sleeping at mine for as long as she wanted, or my family taking her out for dinner or whatever. But honestly I'm so sick of all the drama she causes behind the scenes of all that. The manipulative things she does has just taken its toll on me and I'm honestly at breaking point. I guess the thing that really got to me was the fact that she totally stole my business idea (We had to pitch ideas to the class about our business and whatever) and she totally copied what I had in mind (She already kinda knew what I wanted to do before the presentation so I guess that gave her a head start). Yeah so anyway suddenly she's into baking and selling whatever SHE'S made.... first time she's mentioned that? She never seems to care when I talk about baking, she always tunes out so the fact that she has created a business idea to do with cakes and shit has really pissed me off.

Another thing that is kind of bringing me down is the fact that I feel as if I am bringing my friends down by acting so depressed and constantly being upset about Thin Tomato. I hate the fact that some of my friends may feel drained because of me. I hate, hate, HATE myself for doing that to them... The problem with me though is that when I feel like this I tend to push everyone away and I don't want to do that this time but its like a natural reaction to this situation :(

I genuinely feel myself going back into old habits, such as depression and along with that come MANY other issues such as my anxiety, eating disorder (fml, this is the most sensitive topic for me) and ALL THAT BULLLLLLLLLLSHIT.
I'm trying so hard not to crumble and become that girl who used to take everything out on herself. I've been trying to stay positive and try to love myself but it just seems to get harder as the days go on.
It's actually hit a point where I'm ready to give up on school.. friends ... life in general and just stay in bed until I feel better about myself.. but who knows when that will be.

I feel like  have no one to talk to even though I do...? I don't really know how I can put that into a proper sentence but lets just say I have people but I don't want to be a burden on them.
Ok, literally right now I  have tears coming down my face because I'm scared of the things that I can do to myself and HAVE done to myself when I'm feeling like this. 

I need out for a little while.
I just need out.
Why is that so difficult for everyone to understand?
ugh
kay I need to leave before this keyboard gets showered with tears.

Speak soon

Froot Loop Queen

xoxo