College so far...

Hay guys!

This post probs contains swearing and deep thoughts and all that shizzzzzle.... Also I don't have a clear mind set right now so if my thoughts are scattered, I apologise in advance ... Here we go!

Wow. College. It's shit.
 
Blog over, thanks for listening guys
 
LMAO that's a joke, don't leave... please.
 
Where do I begin?
I know... GUYS COLLEGE IS SO SHIT, I FUCKING HATE IT PLEASE CAN I BLOODY LEAVE AND JUST GO SOMEWHERE ELSE LIKE IDK UNI, FFS I SHOULD BE THERE RIGHT NOW!
*breathe Froot Loop Queen breathe*
Okay, college isn't going the way it should. I mean I'm in senior year man! This should be THE most enjoyable year because its my last year at school. But guys, that doesn't seem to be happening for me. Everything is just so terrible.
My emotions are a mess and so am I. I guess you know things are going downhill when you have a temperature from stressing about friends and then going onto the bus and sobbing more than you would normally whilst an oldish lady is looking at you from a distance.
 
My friends tell me that they are there for me but the thing is, is that I do struggle to talk about my problems a lot. I feel constantly judged and I immediately regret telling them what I said because I feel like it will be used against me.
Also I'm definitely a burden on my friends. I cant really begin to explain what I mean but I just know that I'm a burden... And if I wasn't there then maybe their lives would be SO much easier and probably more fun because the depressing rain cloud friend has left.
Can I just take a moment of time to tell you that if I was going through what im currently going through two years back.. I would definetly not have coped very well and I would either not be here or I would be in hospital for attempting.  ( So I guess ive become bit stronger which is positive)
 
Oh, anyway back to how college is going for me LOL, I think I just need to do my work, get the highest grades I can achieve and then just fuck off to uni and hopefully things will get better.
 
Do you guys remember how I mentioned my eating disorder in my last post? And I mentioned that it is a really sensitive topic for me? Well I'm going to talk about it a little because I'm telling you how college is. And I can say that my ED ( Eating disorder.. not erectile dysfunction... dw my thingaling still works..... omg how I can I just basically say I have a dick on my blog. wow this took an unexpected turn...) ANYYYYYYYYYYYWAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY..... yeah my ED has become so much worse. All I think about is the way I look in comparison to others in my class. I am actually slowly beginning to hate myself more just by being at Moss Land College for 4 days a week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Moral of the story is, I'm really struggling and I'm on my last thread of hope that things will be okay.
Guys I'm actually scared that if that metophrical thread breaks I may just shatter.. and who knows what will happen then....
 
 
 
Okay I've once again waffled on a lot and I think I should end this blog.
 
Even though I may not be at my happiest point.. I want each and every one of you reading this to look in the mirror and tell yourself you're beautiful and a sex god and perfect and amazing and funny and cool and admirable. I want you to smile at yourself, and appreciate yourself.
 
That's all from me.
 
Froot Loop Queen
 
xoxo