Out with the old, in with the new

Suuuuuuuup!

This post probs contains swearing blah blah blah

You guys ok?????? Hope you areeee!!

OMG GUYS IM SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!

You're probably wondering what this blog is about .. basically I'm finally FINALLLLLLLLLLY getting a new phone!!!!!!! F I N A L L L L L L L Y Y Y Y Y Y Y ! ! ! ! ! !!! ! ! !
I've currently got the iPhone 5 but you wouldn't believe me when I tell you how shit its become!!
Basically, my back camera, lock button  and lower button don't work!! My screen has shattered 6 times and my phone has smashed to pieces... By this I mean the front half and the back half of the phone had completely separated and became two pieces!!! Not cool!

My dad went to Vegas last week and ended up buying me a phone because he knew how fucked up it was and tbh he was getting annoyed and probably more frustrated with the phone than me LOL! A main reason he got annoyed was because the battery would drop from 100% to 30% ( and this is on a good day) A lot of the time my battery went from 99% to 1% in less than 20 seconds -.-

SEE THE STRUGGLE???!!!!!!!

Coincidently I broke my phone yesterday... as in its so broken that like I cant use it *I feel like there should be an emoji here but I'm not sure which because IVE FORGOTTEN WHAT EMOJIS ARE BECAUSE I HAVENT HAD A PHONE IN ALMOST 24 HOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) 
^^ I write coincidently but it's actually so annoying that its broken.. why couldn't it have just survived! I mean it had like 3 days left to live. And it decided to die early.. fuck me it isn't that hard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Slight problem, I haven't backed up my iCloud... and my phone doesn't work.... so I have to figure out how to put the data from my current crap machine to my laptop and from my laptop to my new iPhone bae that'll be coming into my life tomorrow!!
If anyone knows how to do this ppllllllllleaseee contact me asap!! If I know you in person EVEN BETTER!

I think that's all I have to say!!
Thanks for listening

Froot Loop Queen

xoxo

P.S. OMG my hands are numb. its so cold in my bedroom wtf! and my heating doesn't even work D: SO I apologise if the grammar is crap ( I am the grammar police of my class so this is like torture for me)

I AM IN LOVE!

Hello people of the internet world!

THIS POST PROBS CONTAINS SWEARING BLAH BLAH BLAH.. YOU ALL KNOW THE DRILL BY THIS POINT.... WHY AM I STILL WRITING IN CAPS?? HMM MAYBE BECAUSE I'M A LAZY SHIT AND I PROBABLY WONT PROGRESS IN LIFE..... MOVING OOOON......

How are we all? You probably came to this page either because I messaged you on whatsapp by saying 'hey I uploaded a new blog post' which means 'go check out my blog and then come back and tell me everything you loved about it' or you're here because you have nothing better to do.. either way hay!!

Ok you didn't come here (even if it was out of subtle force) to read me writing about ^^ that .. not sure what that was but hey it is what it is
hmm I've completely forgotten what I was saying....?

Ah yes... GUYS I AM IN LOVE! With who you may ask??.. Well I can tell you it's not by the guy that I sorta like (I'll mention him another day) and it's also not my mother even tho I do love her.. its also not a person ... but don't get worried Smart Car! Please! I can feel you panicking and I haven't even posted this yet...
I'm in love with Lana Del Rey's new album. OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGG it's like fucking heavenly!!
I've always listened to Lana tbh and her music has got me through some really tough times ... for example if I'm upset and I have my headphones in I'm probably listening to her music.
So anyway this album came out the other day and I already know like every song off by heart... which can cause some concern seeing as I tend to forget what day it is almost every day..! (3 times today I said it was Tuesday... 3!)

Don't get me wrong, I still love all the other artists I listen to such as, Nicki Minaj, The Weeknd, Partynextdoor, Kehlani, Demi... etccccccc but Lana bae killed me this time.... Her music is like food to me.. especially these past few days because things have been SO hard for me.

So I kinda wanna thank her for all that she's put out even though she will never read this post and will probably never see my face but still! I love her so much!

love you too smart car -.-

That's all I have to say!! Thank you for reading!! Hope you enjoyed :)

Froot Loop Queen

xoxo

P.S. SHOUTOUT TO MY FRIEND.. lets call him 'fish'! He's so lovely and he's been helping me a lot recently! thanks fish * kissy face emoji without the heart because we aren't in an intimate relationship*
Oh and for those of you who live under a rock.. here's a pic of Lana herself being a beauty queen!...

College so far...

Hay guys!

This post probs contains swearing and deep thoughts and all that shizzzzzle.... Also I don't have a clear mind set right now so if my thoughts are scattered, I apologise in advance ... Here we go!

Wow. College. It's shit.
 
Blog over, thanks for listening guys
 
LMAO that's a joke, don't leave... please.
 
Where do I begin?
I know... GUYS COLLEGE IS SO SHIT, I FUCKING HATE IT PLEASE CAN I BLOODY LEAVE AND JUST GO SOMEWHERE ELSE LIKE IDK UNI, FFS I SHOULD BE THERE RIGHT NOW!
*breathe Froot Loop Queen breathe*
Okay, college isn't going the way it should. I mean I'm in senior year man! This should be THE most enjoyable year because its my last year at school. But guys, that doesn't seem to be happening for me. Everything is just so terrible.
My emotions are a mess and so am I. I guess you know things are going downhill when you have a temperature from stressing about friends and then going onto the bus and sobbing more than you would normally whilst an oldish lady is looking at you from a distance.
 
My friends tell me that they are there for me but the thing is, is that I do struggle to talk about my problems a lot. I feel constantly judged and I immediately regret telling them what I said because I feel like it will be used against me.
Also I'm definitely a burden on my friends. I cant really begin to explain what I mean but I just know that I'm a burden... And if I wasn't there then maybe their lives would be SO much easier and probably more fun because the depressing rain cloud friend has left.
Can I just take a moment of time to tell you that if I was going through what im currently going through two years back.. I would definetly not have coped very well and I would either not be here or I would be in hospital for attempting.  ( So I guess ive become bit stronger which is positive)
 
Oh, anyway back to how college is going for me LOL, I think I just need to do my work, get the highest grades I can achieve and then just fuck off to uni and hopefully things will get better.
 
Do you guys remember how I mentioned my eating disorder in my last post? And I mentioned that it is a really sensitive topic for me? Well I'm going to talk about it a little because I'm telling you how college is. And I can say that my ED ( Eating disorder.. not erectile dysfunction... dw my thingaling still works..... omg how I can I just basically say I have a dick on my blog. wow this took an unexpected turn...) ANYYYYYYYYYYYWAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY..... yeah my ED has become so much worse. All I think about is the way I look in comparison to others in my class. I am actually slowly beginning to hate myself more just by being at Moss Land College for 4 days a week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Moral of the story is, I'm really struggling and I'm on my last thread of hope that things will be okay.
Guys I'm actually scared that if that metophrical thread breaks I may just shatter.. and who knows what will happen then....
 
 
 
Okay I've once again waffled on a lot and I think I should end this blog.
 
Even though I may not be at my happiest point.. I want each and every one of you reading this to look in the mirror and tell yourself you're beautiful and a sex god and perfect and amazing and funny and cool and admirable. I want you to smile at yourself, and appreciate yourself.
 
That's all from me.
 
Froot Loop Queen
 
xoxo

It's been a while...

Hey people!

This post probably contains swearing. Read at own risk...

I know it's been a while.. but how are you? Hope you're well.

Today is a it of a depressing post tbh so if you're not into that then I take no offence and you may close this page now.

As for the rest of you... Here we go.

I'm not too sure where to begin with my blog today. My minds a mess and I guess that's why I  felt to the need to vent here.

So as most of you are aware I am having issues with Thin Tomato. Things are just going from bad to worse. I feel like everything that has happened between us in the past years of our friendship was just fake. As if she was using to me to see what benefits she gets, such as, sleeping at mine for as long as she wanted, or my family taking her out for dinner or whatever. But honestly I'm so sick of all the drama she causes behind the scenes of all that. The manipulative things she does has just taken its toll on me and I'm honestly at breaking point. I guess the thing that really got to me was the fact that she totally stole my business idea (We had to pitch ideas to the class about our business and whatever) and she totally copied what I had in mind (She already kinda knew what I wanted to do before the presentation so I guess that gave her a head start). Yeah so anyway suddenly she's into baking and selling whatever SHE'S made.... first time she's mentioned that? She never seems to care when I talk about baking, she always tunes out so the fact that she has created a business idea to do with cakes and shit has really pissed me off.

Another thing that is kind of bringing me down is the fact that I feel as if I am bringing my friends down by acting so depressed and constantly being upset about Thin Tomato. I hate the fact that some of my friends may feel drained because of me. I hate, hate, HATE myself for doing that to them... The problem with me though is that when I feel like this I tend to push everyone away and I don't want to do that this time but its like a natural reaction to this situation :(

I genuinely feel myself going back into old habits, such as depression and along with that come MANY other issues such as my anxiety, eating disorder (fml, this is the most sensitive topic for me) and ALL THAT BULLLLLLLLLLSHIT.
I'm trying so hard not to crumble and become that girl who used to take everything out on herself. I've been trying to stay positive and try to love myself but it just seems to get harder as the days go on.
It's actually hit a point where I'm ready to give up on school.. friends ... life in general and just stay in bed until I feel better about myself.. but who knows when that will be.

I feel like  have no one to talk to even though I do...? I don't really know how I can put that into a proper sentence but lets just say I have people but I don't want to be a burden on them.
Ok, literally right now I  have tears coming down my face because I'm scared of the things that I can do to myself and HAVE done to myself when I'm feeling like this. 

I need out for a little while.
I just need out.
Why is that so difficult for everyone to understand?
ugh
kay I need to leave before this keyboard gets showered with tears.

Speak soon

Froot Loop Queen

xoxo

Story time: First day back

HAAAAYY GUYSSSSSS!

This post probably contains swearing. So read at own risk:) - - - - Oh also today is going to be a pretty long post, so grab a cuppa and come join..

Okay so I am pretty happy right now! wanna know why???
I don't really care because I'm gonna tell you anyway...

If you've read the blog that I posted yesterday evening, you would be fully aware of the fact that I almost had a panic attack just thinking about my first day back. I was so nervous that I asked my mum if I could not go in because I already saw my timetable online (I'll get to that in a bit). But as standard I was told to go in.... ugh!

But actually once I got there and I saw my friends all that anxiety suddenly disappeared for a little while and I was LOVING IT.

All right, so here's a little story of how my morning went once I reached the dreaded land of moss that I have to call 'college':
Once I entered the gates of hell I was told to go to 'Spruce 4'... this is a business building that usually stinks of piss and paint mixed.. yeah its worse than you think. So anyway *moving hair from my face in my casual hair flip* I got there and I totally spaced 'where the hell has spruce 4 gone....wtf?!' < That's exactly what I said to myself lmao.
It wasn't till about 5 minutes later when I saw my don of a teacher.. I went up to him to ask him where I should go because he was my tutor last year and he's always there to help :D ... NOT. anyway in this case I had no choice but to ask him otherwise I probably would have been standing around like a twat looking for a room that I had lessons in last year.
But as I went up to Mr.Don guess what I see... before my eyes there is an ocean of beautiful boys surrounding him holding pieces of paper (they are most likely to be new because I've never seen such beautiful humans before in Moss Land College)
So as I shouted 'SIR!' all the sexies turned to look at me. I pretended as if they weren't as amazing as I thought they were *hold up, let me clear the drool from around my mouth...okay done...carry on* and I ended up asking the teacher where to go.
Okay I was still alone at this point.. *waiting for a familiar face*
Wahay, I see someone.. oh but guess who it is? THIN TOMATO!! Really girl? Really? Do you have to come before Smart Car?!  So there was moments of awkward convo but within minutes Smart Car came with her rucksack slung over her shoulder and lanyard over her neck which was held securely by her right hand (I pay attention to detail.. don't get freaked out)
So we find our way. Waiting in a queue that's longer than the line at Primark! we get our lanyards and timetables and that and we're done... Speaking of timetables.. They are so shit that I just want to rip it up and never look at it again. But I've been told by a few people not to so.. Guess I wont -.-
Once that was done we headed to the most boring assembly about how we have to keep the standards of Moss Land College high otherwise 'we are doing no favours to ourselves or to the name of this college' BLAH BLAH BLAAAAAAAH.... We get sent once again to that Spruce 4 classroom..Which when I think about it now I don't know exactly where it is.. hmm that's slightly concerning ...
We then get given our new classes (thank the fucking lord above that I didn't have to change class)
but guess who did... go on guess.......
THIN TOMATO! She moved!! I was so relieved omggggggggggggggggggg!
Okay we then got kicked out of the classroom by some next asshole teacher who has a thick Indian accent. Me and my friend (Lets call him 'Friend Zone') couldn't help but laugh and completely take the piss out of him.
Yeah so we got told to go home with some next 'homework' ugh I have to do that. its a fucking presentation! I can't present LOL do I look like a dick head!?

After we got kicked out I went to my friends house and we chilled and laughed soooo hard! Turns out I'm proper stupid because I thought psychologists can see your future. Even though I've been to a Psychologist and he did nothing of the sort... :/

So all in all I had a pretty good day which was full of laughs and rugby tackles... oh and also punching Friend Zone several times :)

I think that's all I have to say
Thanks for putting up with story time.. I enjoyed writing this so there's probs loads more to come!

Froot Loop Queen
xoxo

 

Anxious!!

Hola Amigos!

THIS POST CONTAINS SWEARING AND DEEP THOUGHTS. READ AT OWN RISK.

How are you?? Did you miss me? You did, didn't you.. haha aw shucks, I'm blushing!
 
So today I wanted to talk about the fact that my college REOPENS TOMORROW!! And I'm kinda freaking out...!!
 
I'm SO not ready to go back to waking up at 7.30am and being out the house by 8.40 to get to this disgusting place filled with mossy buildings by 9!
UGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!
For any of you who know me on a deep, personal level (hey all 2 of you) you know that I'm a lot more fucked up than I lead on. I have an ongoing list of mental health issues that I'm dealing with. But there's one in particular that is taking the lead today... hello anxiety! I'm feeling so so so anxious about seeing everyone tomorrow and being back at this place where I don't fit in AT ALL.
 
One of the main reasons why I feel anxious is, I guess because I don't have many friends there, and not many people like me. I have like 4 friends and one of them is constantly in the 'it's complicated' section of my life.
Okay, so I've not always been a loser with minimal friends, I was once liked very much by everyone in my tutor group. But then I got too close to one person (we are going to call her 'Thin Tomato') Long story short, she basically turned everyone against her and automatically making them dislike me because apparently we come as a 'package deal' ...? 
So, me and Thin Tomato are kinda at a 'rough patch' we could call it. But I'm basically trying not to talk to her a lot because she causes a lot of negativity in my life and I'm trying to stay as positive and as happy and healthy as I can be and being around her does occasionally make that little task very hard. 
There is one person who definitely gets me through the day and she doesn't even know it, (let's call her, 'Smart Car'.... hey bitch, you know who you are :*! )  I've never really told her this before but, her being in the same tutor group as me makes me feel reassured and reminds me that I can act like a total twat and its okay! She doesn't even have to say anything, but by her just being in the same class room as me definitely helps!

I wanna get real deep for a minute, as I said earlier I have a list on ongoing mental health issues. And over the summer I did avoid bumping into a few. But I'm worried that now college is starting again a lot of these issues will come back to play and I seriously don't have the energy to deal with them... Any tips on how to avoid them?
I would like to congratulate myself (because I'm a vain shit) for still holding on, and carrying on with my life despite my rocky past.

I guess I just need to take deep breathes and maybe tomorrow won't be TOO bad..?

Okay so I think I've bored you enough. Thanks for reading!!
Speak soon!

Froot Loop Queen
xoxo


P.S. I may not post every day so don't get too attached to me LOL ily xx

What to know about me

Hey guys!

My name is Froot Loop Queen, I am an 18 year old girl who is interested in everything yet nothing.
I'm a bit of a strange person but you'll learn to love me as time goes on ( maybe... well, maybe not... probably not!)

Anyway, I don't really know where to begin with this. It was in fact one of my best friends (Shenaya) who introduced me to the world of blogging *me making a rainbow out of my hands in the middle of the air* she also runs a blog which I find very relatable. Check it out, its amazing, trust me http://amentallydisturbedllama.blogspot.co.uk/ . I find it hard to find blogs that relate to me and my circumstances in life. That's why I decided to create this blog site so people like me can relate or even people who aren't in the situation can read it and see what its like to be a Froot Loop Queen. 

Oh, I should probably tell you where my life is headed for the next year... I'm currently in college going to my final year! I know! Crazy! This is my last year at school! I don't think I'm nearly ready to think of what comes after!! All I know is what I've been told from everyone older than me, and all I've heard are things like 'Froot Loop Queen, cherish these days because you'll never get this kind of freedom again" or something like " Ah your life is easy, wait till uni! That's when you find out the true meaning of stress" I mean I beg to differ, I know first hand what stress is.. I just don't do much about it haha... joke.. that's a joke mum!

Anywhooo,  I think this is enough of me dragging on about my not so entertaining life. I'll be back soon with a proper topic that I can fully discuss with you.
If there is anything in particular you want me to talk about, just let me know in the comments!

( I don't know how to end this in a cool way.. or in any way for that matter... ummm..)

xoxo